Stone can withstand the force of me

This was my second carving and in my naivety I imagined I could carve a head in two days. The limestone was tricky it had been outside so had a crisp outer edge then became Sandy at depth which meant in my inexperience the chisel would slip and I would wallop my hand instead.

We have imprints in our patches of faces we know intimately and this knowledge is deeply embedded informing every face I sculpt or paint.

Intention plays second to unconscious process and although I had wanted to carve my daughter it was my mother that emerged. My last memories of her was when she was Dieing, the ruptured aneurysm bleeding out into her body . We had a few hours . In that time I sang lullabies that I had made up for my daughter Beatrice and I noticed her breathing changed. I placed my palm on her back and focused on channelling all the love I could muster into her form that seemed to shrink smaller and smaller into the bed. She called out to her sister once. The dr told her she was Dieing. ‘How long have I got?’ She asked with piercing clarity . I began wailing, a deep primitive sound that called to her, begged her not to leave and she did flush from blue to pink affording us more time.

When you carve a face you realise how much you know it. She’s laid to rest in the stone . I made a heart and then a moth on her throat.

The bees are the shame and pain that still lingers. The mother daughter relationship … it’s complicated. When one dies there can never be the chance to make it right. Stand it upright.

I exhibited this work in ‘the love that lasts the longest ‘ at The Horsebridge together with a heart, my fourth carving made about my father. I lost both of them.

In Greece a butterfly lay in my path . I picked it up and it travelled with me. I let it crawl on my face mirroring the work I’ve been doing . After it flew across the valley. Perhaps her spirit visited .

I have heard yesterday that this piece will be exhibited in Deal at the annual Winter group show case at the Linden Gallery  in December.