October in Greece

To paint outside plein air I need to feel secure. In the UK I experience bouts of what I decided to call ‘existential loneliness’. The outside world can feel like a vacuum, the space endless. I live near the sea but I don’t go to see the sun set on the horizon nor do I watch the waves. Instead I scuttle along known pathways where nothing much changes .

When I return to Greece I have routines which help me settle. The house always needs attention and my cat quickly appears. I shyly ( because I am shy) venture into the village and local town for supply’s. It feels like everybody likes me. Perhaps that’s a child-like thing to notice but it makes me feel I’m embraced by the community. The nature I have known now for over thirty years, I ring the changes but so much is familiar . My defences relax… I am safe here.

It’s easy then to settle to paint and draw outside. I’m tucked in . I have days ahead of me to work.

I notice that I start many tasks and zig zag between them. This is PTSD related. As I relax I can stay longer and slowly each endeavour completes.

Studying drawing, light and colour my mind is thrilled by everything I see.

I always wonder, how good I would have got if I had only focused but it’s been hard to hold a steady course and I understand why now.

Gradually my window of time closes . I leave my work here. Perhaps I make one piece I’m excited by. Sometimes when I return I see the painting fresh and think, ‘wow, I did that…’

Interesting to paint the wire fence at the end as if I’m corralling my place to keep

It safe.

I can’t wait to paint again. It’s marvellous .